How the Hell do you make a guy clean?

I am sure that every woman who lives with a male will sympathise with me here, in-fact this is such an issue that a number of studies and research articles have been done to drop hints to the male race that all they really need to do to impress us (AKA turn us on) is to clean. Or is it?
The fact is that experience has shown me that men have a completely different standard of clean and how to clean. So are men really such delinquents when it comes to then finally doing cleaning or is it all a conspiracy in which they are so sure that if they do such a bad job we wont let them do it again? Well if it is a conspiracy then i think men really need to smarten up as this “poor Effort” or just not cleaning just means that they wont get laid and may spend a cold lonely night on the couch. To be honest men really should have got this through there thick skulls by now, however just in-case they haven’t here is a very blunt extract from The Married Male to finish:
So housecleaning and happiness are related?
In writing the book, I kept seeing the parallel between housework and sex in the interviews. Men said the happier their wives were in the division of housework, the happier the men were with their sex lives. We even looked at the numbers and found that there’s more sex in the relationship if the wife is happy with the division of housework. It doesn’t have to be exactly equal, the wife just has to think it’s fair. When a woman comes in she notices if it’s a mess, it’s often socialized in [her] that [she is] more responsible for the look of the home So if he can recognize that by doing a fair share, then he is often rewarded with sex. She’s not as angry, or burdened and she’s not as tired.